Angel Wings

I’m now home one week after birthing the little angel God let me hold. At 14oz and 10inches long he made such a huge impact on our lives.

At 23 weeks 5 days along and just four days after I decided I would carry him as long as God allowed he got his angel wings. I went in first thing Monday morning on august 13th to monitor his heart beat because I had not felt him move at all the day before and I just felt like he was gone. My Doctor and I discussed my experience and how we both felt more comfortable knowing if he had passed it was in his timing. She then did and ultrasound scan and his little heart was still. He was peaceful and I knew God had called him home. We discussed when I would go in to the hospital and my favorite nurse and I cried.

I left the office and made all the arrangements for the children and planned to be back at the hospital at 8:00p.m. that same night. I stopped a few times in the midst of it all just to thank God that Joshua was able to go in his time. I truly felt like I was carrying an angel. I gathered all the little things I bought for him and prepared to be staying in the hospital a couple of days.


I Checked into the hospital right on time and was met by my doctor who was so wonderful through all of this. The plan was to start a slow induction and wait for things to happen as natural as possible. Things got difficult pretty quick. I started to run a fever pretty early into the night. I had my husband and my best friend by my side to make sure I was well taken care of but the night seemed to bring a lot of anxiety for all of us.

I was not feeling well with the fever and the fear that things could just happen at once without much warning. I made it through the night and received an epidural before adding any more induction medications because I was already feeling bad. My Doctor was able to stay close and monitor me so intently. I was blessed with a perfect delivery experience. Little Joshua was birthed at 12:58p.m. He was such an incredible little angel. My Husband and I were able to hold him and love him. Thank you God for an incredible experience.

Shortly after Joshua was born I began to lose too much blood and my doctor became very concerned. I had to be sent into surgery and then to ICU to receive a transfusion. I had a condition called acute DIC which can happen when the baby passes away in the womb. I stayed in the hospital until Friday to be monitored and make sure all of my levels were returning back to normal.

The whole experience was very difficult but I know that I was chosen to walk this journey and God would get me through. I had so many people visiting and praying for me, the baby and our families. I am so sad at times that this pregnancy had to go this way but again I know God has a wonderful plan. Little Joshua will forever be in my heart and mind and I know I will share his story for years to come.

His parents will receive his ashes and we will both get some pictures that were taken by a photographer that came in from a company called Now I lay me down to sleep. I know we did all we could for precious Joshua and I thank all of you for your prayers and encouraging words. So many wonderful people showed up in so many ways…Thank you.


One Response

  1. Good day. I came across your blog through our Trisomy 18 Mommies facebook page. I want you to know what a STRONG woman you are and I truly thank GOD for you. Thank you for carrying Joshua and choosing LIFE. No matter how long or short life is every moment is precious! I will pray for your peace and strength as you continue to travel this journey. From one T18 mommy to another!

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